Too often we live in the past. Someone or something appears to be in the present through focus of thought. Our thoughts of the past do not make it reality of the NOW. Perhaps the past needs to stay in the past as we live our current lives in the now. However, when love abounds it is not that easy.
Love unreturned is just that, unreturned love. To think that the person you project onto will return their love is immature. You are only in control of yourself. If you have love to give someone than do so. But, don't expect to have that love returned. You cannot control another person nor control their feelings.
Instead of saying that you are "in love" with someone we may need to explore what we are experiencing and communicate more descriptively what we are trying to say. Other languages have many words for the varying incarnations of love. However, those speaking English will have to utilize further descriptive in defining their experience of love.
Many love out of neediness and seeking self-fulfillment or distraction through another. This type of love called co-dependence is a false sense of what a mature relationship could be. This type of love misses out on inter-dependence and is as elusive as a unicorn amongst the masses. Healthy love relationships need to begin with healthy individuals who ultimately come together minus the neediness and fulfillment seeking behavior.
So seek first to understand yourself and be fulfilled from within instead of looking outwardly for that one person who will complete your life.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Honesty vs. Kindness
Is it better to give someone the truth when it would hurt them or choose to be kind and NOT involve them? To often we make choices that hurt other people in addition to ourselves. Do we alert the other to something that we know would hurt them? We could choose to keep our own actions under wraps and not involve another. After all, why should someone else bear the burden of a poor choice that we made?
"Honesty is such a lonely word" is a line from a popular song. I think kindness is a better alternative to honesty when it is our stuff that is at issue. If we project unto others our inner interpretations of reality then why should we inflect pain on another through honesty? Maybe we made a poor choice that we wish we could take back. So, do our own demons, need to torture someone other than us? I think not.
Thus, let the past stay in the past, and let the NOW be focused on creating the reality we want called "history". We need to deal with our own demons without inflicting pain onto others.
"Honesty is such a lonely word" is a line from a popular song. I think kindness is a better alternative to honesty when it is our stuff that is at issue. If we project unto others our inner interpretations of reality then why should we inflect pain on another through honesty? Maybe we made a poor choice that we wish we could take back. So, do our own demons, need to torture someone other than us? I think not.
Thus, let the past stay in the past, and let the NOW be focused on creating the reality we want called "history". We need to deal with our own demons without inflicting pain onto others.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Reprogramming Ourselves for Success
Are your feelings overwhelming at times?
Does your mind chatter and obsess?
Well, you are in good company.
Most of us unwittingly get caught up in runaway emotions or thoughts without even realizing it. Stop the train I want to get off!
We need to learn to manage our emotions. It's the meanings we assign to beliefs that fuel our emotions. So, to harness our strongest motivator, our emotions, requires us to assign NEW MEANINGS to our currently held BELIEFS. For instance, such and such didn't call so you know they hate you. This in turn makes you feel bad. The reality is that perhaps the person didn't call because of something totally unrelated to you and you in turn created the negative feeling.
Beware of internalizing projections whether self-generated or hurled at you by someone else. If your mind or someone else says "You didn't do it right! You are a failure." Chances are it's NOT true. However, we assume the voice is correct, assign a meaning, create a belief and now this creates a strong emotion within us.
What if we could use this same process to create positive uplifting emotions? After all, we have been known to rationalize and justify our own actions. Well, then this demonstrates that we can "manipulate" or control our emotional states. It's our choice.
Simply re-assign a meaning and create a new belief by saying internally "I did it right! I am a success." Validate yourself when others don't. Have compassion for yourself when others don't.
Know that you don't have to believe other peoples' projections. Know that their reality has been filtered through their mis-perceptions and judgmental egos. They could possibly be 2% correct with the rest being hogwash. Be careful when you are judging others knowing that they are mostly your own issues being projected outward.
We also need to realize that our inner being of spirit is truly separate from our chattering thoughts. Our brains are amazing. What we focus on will determine our experience of life.
Know that our thoughts need to be in check as they create our reality. Learn to quiet the mind and fall into the gap between words and thoughts. Meditation exercises like breath walking, sitting, yoga, tai chi, provide an opportunity for us to breath into the stillness of being and help in us learning to quiet the chattering mind.
When we are obsessing and our eyes glaze over we may need a break from ourselves. Haven't you ever walked away from a problem in frustration only to return to a solution that had eluded you earlier? The same goes for your internal chatter. We need to get up and walk away through breathing, meditating, and/or exercising. I can't deny that some find benefit through the use of pills, alcohol, marijuana, or other distraction to moderate their overwhelming emotions that are beyond their threshold of pain tolerance. Those times and types of detrimental escapisms should be few and far between as to not establish a self-defeating pattern, habit, or addiction. We can choose positive addictions that strengthen us.
So, happiness and inner peace is attainable through managing our emotions. Simply by monitoring our thoughts and focus, knowing that the meanings we assign to events create our beliefs, we can ultimately reprogram ourselves. Make a conscious choice to observe your thoughts and emotions and know we can reprogram ourselves for success in the "Azure Edge".
Does your mind chatter and obsess?
Well, you are in good company.
Most of us unwittingly get caught up in runaway emotions or thoughts without even realizing it. Stop the train I want to get off!
We need to learn to manage our emotions. It's the meanings we assign to beliefs that fuel our emotions. So, to harness our strongest motivator, our emotions, requires us to assign NEW MEANINGS to our currently held BELIEFS. For instance, such and such didn't call so you know they hate you. This in turn makes you feel bad. The reality is that perhaps the person didn't call because of something totally unrelated to you and you in turn created the negative feeling.
Beware of internalizing projections whether self-generated or hurled at you by someone else. If your mind or someone else says "You didn't do it right! You are a failure." Chances are it's NOT true. However, we assume the voice is correct, assign a meaning, create a belief and now this creates a strong emotion within us.
What if we could use this same process to create positive uplifting emotions? After all, we have been known to rationalize and justify our own actions. Well, then this demonstrates that we can "manipulate" or control our emotional states. It's our choice.
Simply re-assign a meaning and create a new belief by saying internally "I did it right! I am a success." Validate yourself when others don't. Have compassion for yourself when others don't.
Know that you don't have to believe other peoples' projections. Know that their reality has been filtered through their mis-perceptions and judgmental egos. They could possibly be 2% correct with the rest being hogwash. Be careful when you are judging others knowing that they are mostly your own issues being projected outward.
We also need to realize that our inner being of spirit is truly separate from our chattering thoughts. Our brains are amazing. What we focus on will determine our experience of life.
Know that our thoughts need to be in check as they create our reality. Learn to quiet the mind and fall into the gap between words and thoughts. Meditation exercises like breath walking, sitting, yoga, tai chi, provide an opportunity for us to breath into the stillness of being and help in us learning to quiet the chattering mind.
When we are obsessing and our eyes glaze over we may need a break from ourselves. Haven't you ever walked away from a problem in frustration only to return to a solution that had eluded you earlier? The same goes for your internal chatter. We need to get up and walk away through breathing, meditating, and/or exercising. I can't deny that some find benefit through the use of pills, alcohol, marijuana, or other distraction to moderate their overwhelming emotions that are beyond their threshold of pain tolerance. Those times and types of detrimental escapisms should be few and far between as to not establish a self-defeating pattern, habit, or addiction. We can choose positive addictions that strengthen us.
So, happiness and inner peace is attainable through managing our emotions. Simply by monitoring our thoughts and focus, knowing that the meanings we assign to events create our beliefs, we can ultimately reprogram ourselves. Make a conscious choice to observe your thoughts and emotions and know we can reprogram ourselves for success in the "Azure Edge".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)